WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS

I recommend you not to read this post. It's pointless. 

This time I'm not planning to write a post to inspire anybody, because I can't even inspire myself. I try to look for quotes to put my hopes up, but nothing can make me feel better, so I figured that maybe, instead of taking the spiritual way of thinking about everything, I'm just going to write and write what I feel. I'm going to express how angry, dissapointed, faithless, hopeless and miserable I am.

The worst thing is that I don't even know why. Well, maybe I do. Maybe is the fact that I've got a 66% in a chemistry test that I had to do in my house. I mean, who the heck gets a 66% in a test that was for home and that the teacher went over. The thing is that I did not have an eraser to erase my mistakes, and I'm such a dork that I did not ask for one. SERIOUSLY? Now I'm going to be the only one that got a freaking 66%. Awesome.

Well, that might be one of the reasons, but it can't be everything. That stupid thing that I will forget in less than a week cannot be the reason why I am so angry.  Maybe not. I don't know. See?  I'm bipolar. I really am. I get frustrated for small little things. I wish I could be like my mom, who laughs at every little thing that goes wrong. She just cries if someones dies. But me... I have to cry and scream and get all pissed off at small little things. Maybe the fact that two of my best friends disapointed me in the last 3 days can also help my mood to be this bad. Or maybe that I'm just not lucky when it comes down to love. Is like when I start liking a boy, everything has to go wrong, but if the guy grosses me out, he's in love with me. Or maybe that I'm confused with my self. Or that I am constantly wonder if God really exists. Or that I prayed after months last night for the first time and it was useless. Or maybe Andrew came (girls, we all should know who Andrew is).

Anyway, life sucks sometimes. Some other times it doesn't, but sometimes oh yeah, it really, really, does. Do you ever feel like screaming "SERIOUSLY?" to whoever is up there watching us? God, Mother Nature, the Universe, Angels, or whatever? Oh man, I do.. so many times I feel like screaming "SERIOUSLY?" and so many other things that I'm not going to say here. Right now I feel like it, but if I scream my sister will wake up, and I don't want to deal with the concecuences.

Most of the time my posts have an intro, have an issue and have a solution. This time all I have is an issue. No intro, and don't expect a solution either because If I had one I would not be writing this useless thing.

So this is it people, I hope nobody read this because I'd feel very, very guilty of wasting like 10 minutes of your life reading the most pointless post ever written in the history of Blogspot. But if you did and you already wasted 10 minutes, at least you should know that I'm angry, and maybe the only good lesson of this is that it is good to scream "SERIOUSLY?" when you feel like screaming something. "SERIOUSLY?" is the perfect word. Is like... "SERIOUSLY? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?" Uhmm, well that last phrase deserves it's own post... "what have I done to deserve this...?" maybe we've done a lot of things, maybe that's why we get what we get. Good point. I'm going to write about it later.

So there you go, 2 lessons: if something bad happens to you, is because you deserve it, probably. But God, just give us a break!!

No xoxo for today. I don't feel like it. Oh man, I look like Holden Caulfied from the "Catcher in The Rye". I must be going crazy.

Firework - Katy Perry

Just Let It Go

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”

Letting go, moving on... maybe those are the hardest things to do in life. No matter how much we try to avoid them, eventually, we will have to stop holding on and just let go. 


When we love something so much, we are not willing to give up on it. We are not willing to quit, no matter how much it is hurting us. We hold on so strong to it, that we get tired. We get exhausted, and still, we don't let go. Is like, being in love with someone who is dating another girl... We go to school, we see him holding her hands, and deep inside we are pretty much dying. But instead of just letting it go and look for someone better, we fall more and more in love with that guy. And we see him with her and it hurts like hell. We feel that kind of depressions that will not let us do anything and we are hopeless. Nothing makes sense, nothing is worth it, we just want to go home and sleep because that's the only way we can forget about it. And we suffer, and we cry and blah, blah, blah. We are so weak that we are still in love with that guy who doesn't even know who we are, but we are not doing anything about it, because we can't. Because he's with someone else and nothing is going to change that. 


But actually, the only thing we can change is what we feel. And it is hard, it is 99% impossible, because we do not control that. But the other 1% is our attitude. When you see the guy holding hands with his girlfriend, just laugh it off. When you feel like your world is breaking down, just turn on the music and dance your ass off, even if you feel like you are too sad to stand up, just do it. Scream all you want, and go to school the next day and let life surprise you. Let life or fate find you someone else: someone single and someone who will love you back. Or maybe, just enjoy your life, guys are not that important. I know these words might sound silly, or worse yet, impossible, but once you believe in them, you will stop crying for that guy. 


When something hurts so much you can not breath, just let go. Once you stop holding on to it, you'll feel like you have taken a backpack full of bricks or that you have run 1000 miles and you will finally take a deep breath and feel like you are not tired anymore. And once you finally get over it, you look back and you feel proud of your self, because you did it, and you are still being able to be standing, and that's reason enough to keep going. 


xoxo L

"Life Unexpected" I Am Going To Miss You!

Today one of my favorite shows ended. I am not completely sure if it ended forever, but apparently The CW is going to cancel it. Anyway, the season finale didn't only made me cry because it had a happy ending and it was very "unexpected", but it also showed me how much I love the show.

I started watching it right when it started and I became addicted to it because it taught me the meaning of a word that I had never used before: Unexpected. It showed me how the unexpected is always the best. How life is always unexpected no matter what. And how the unexpected changes our lives.

I specially like this two finale episodes because the story ends with a happy ending, but in a ver unexpected way. Ryan was supposed to be with Kate, but he ends up with Julie and Kate with Base, and Lux with Jones. It was not really supposed to be like that, but it is better.

Hope to see you next year Lux!

PS: I know I said the word "unexpected" like a hundred times. I just love it.

xoxo L

Loneliness

"Sometimes, all we really have is ourselves.  And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that"

Distance has made my friendships stronger than they were before. No matter how closer I get with my friends day by day, they are not here to hug me when I need a hug, or to make me laugh when I am sad. They are not here to share their experiences with me, just like I cannot share my experience with them. They are not here to see how I grow up day by day or to tell me when I am making a mistake. They are not here either when I need an advice, or when I need someone to scream with me or turn on the music and dance. They are not here either to go out somewhere, or to discover the world. They are just no here, and that makes a big difference. They are there,   7.000 miles away, in the other hemisphere of the world. And here I am, by my self, fighting and going through the most interesting situation I've ever been through, and I have nobody to tell me that everything is gonna be ok, except Bob Marley with his lyrics of wisdom.

When I was in Argentina I used to share everything with my friends. The first thing I would do when I got to school was look for them and tell them what happened the day before. Then we would talk during classes, and then we would keep talking during lunch or breaks. After school we would stay in a small "quiosco" and keep talking, and after that one of them would probably come to my house to have a coffee and keep talking. We would cry when we were sad, we would laugh when we were happy, we would watch movies when were bored, we would take pictures to keep the memories and we would be there for each other ALL THE TIME. Now, we keep talking, with the difference that they are not right in front of me. When something happens I have to write it first, and send it to them and wait for them to read it. It is not the same. They are still there, on the other side of the screen. They always answer and they always tell me about their lives. But it is not the same.

Today I needed a hug from them, yesterday I needed someone to study with, and tomorrow I would probably need an advice. But all I have is my self to do that. I have nobody to tell hoe much I like this guy, or nobody to hug when I find out the guy likes someone else. Those small-little-not-so-cute moments that you have nobody to tell you that is going to be just fine, so those conflicts become bigger and bigger.

I mean, you know you are lonely when you look around and nobody is behind you waiting to catch you. You are just lonely in a room full of people. But the good thing about being lonely is that it brings hope, hope that maybe, just maybe, someone will come, someone will give you a hand and will listen to you and hug you. It may not be who you are expecting, but like I always say, life always gives you something better than what you expected. And if you are never lonely, then how are you suppose to notice when someone finally arrives?

xoxo L

Distance

“You won't realize the distance you've walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been.”

Distance... when I came here I strongly believed that distance would never killed my friendships. I was right. Actually, distance made my relationships stronger than they were. Distance helps you to realize what you left behind, and how much it means to you. Distance changed me. Distance is pretty much who I am today. After 5 months away from not only my life, but also from my self, I am able to say that my point of view, my perspective to life, it's made up out of "distance". I've learnt to love my home, love my life, love my roots, because, like it or not, that's who I am, and the further I go, the more of it I become. 

Days keep passing by and I am inhering the american customs every day a little bit more, but at the same time, I become more argentinean, I love my country with more strength and I realize how much distance's changed me. 

Today I look around my self, I see how far I've got, how much I've seen, how much I've been through, how many tears I've dropped and how much I've learnt. And it was all because of distance, of being away from who I am, or should I say, who I was. But is good, distance changed me, and it keeps changing me. Maybe when I go back to Argentina it won't feel the same. I will see everything with a different perspective, that's for sure. 

xoxo L

Everything Comes When You Least Expect It

I think I don't even need a quote for this one... because we hear it everyday, we experience it every moment, and oh yeah, we really know this one. Are you bored in your house and you want to watch a movie? Believe me, you will not find a good one until you have to leave and you can't watch the movie any more. Everything comes when you least expect it... it's a law.

I knew about this before, but I did not want to believe it until last night, when Mr J suddenly, out of nowhere, decided to talk to me. 5 months waiting for him to say "How are you doing?" and when I least expected it, believe me, when I least, least, least expected it, he talked.
The funny thing about it is that I didn't feel what I thought I was going to feel. At the beginning I was shocked but then I realized he is just a good friend of mine. Nothing else.

So you can sit and wait for something to arrive for hours, days or years, and just when you stand up to look for a glass of water to drink while you keep waiting, that same moment where you are in the kitchen, that's when you hear something knocking on your door. And it is there, when you least expected it. Life has always a funny way to leave us speechless. But isn't it better? I mean, the surprise? Doesn't it feel better when you get something without knowing you were going to get it? Without waiting for it? Without expecting it? The shock, that feeling of "is it really here?", I think that's better than getting something you already knew it was gonna come.

So sometimes, people will surprise you, they will take your breath away and in a matter of seconds, your whole life can change. Let me set the record straight though, the fact that Mr J talked to me did not change my life, not at all, but now I cleared some doubts, now I know how I feel. But no matter what, he did take my breath away, at least for just one second, and there's nothing better than that.

xoxo L 

Tratar De Estar Mejor - Diego Torres

The old story has it
that despite everything, some things will stay
The moments we lived, memories that will not go
From the bottom of the soul
Nothing can make you forget
That we walked the same road
And all of the things we did
were because we wanted to be
Again in that same old place


Despite every mistake
Despite the defects and virtues
I keep in my the best moments that will stay
In the bottom of my soul
Leave everything and don't think about it any more
You can't forget what you lived
And the people you love
They miss you when you are not there
They don't want to cry you out



So many times, we had to be apart
And feel that despite the distance
We felt the same way no matter when
Nothing can make you forget

That we walked the same road

And all of the things we did

were because we wanted to be

Again in that same old place

Sun and sky, give all a'we 
Good vibes black and white ain't no lie 
Live up, live up and make yourself 
Yourself feed good 
Like I know, like I know 
You should. 

We all are one and we 
No have to fight 
Wave up your 
Hands and make us all unite 
Touch me, touch me and show me love  
Bringnig positive vibes 
Yes man. 


Try to live again
Try to feel beter

Set Yourself Free

"If you are willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular"

During this week, I've discovered some things that scared me. I realized how I limit my self. How I draw lines and I push myself not to cross them. And while I do that, I just close my eyes and I do my best to not see what's on the other side. I just get inside a box and I don't see beyond it's walls.

I've been here in the USA, far, far away from home for almost 5 months, and now, just now, I discover the roots of my issues. Why do I miss so much? Why can't I get used to my new life? Why do I still hold on to the past? Why do I think about going back? Why, Why, Why? The answer is right in front of my eyes: I am not letting myself let go the past and live the present. I regret all of those things I did not get to do back home, and I can't forgive myself for that. I can't go on without doing them. So I draw lines. I draw a limit, and I can not cross it, because I know, deep inside, that if I cross those lines, it will be hard to get back to this side.

The truth is that... beyond these lines, there's a whole new world, a whole new universe. We all know the movie "Alice in Wonderland" and that's the perfect example of what I'm trying to say. Alice... the sky is not the limit for her, she goes beyond what she can see. She has that little thing called imagination, and that is her key to every door she finds. She discovers what we can not see, because we don't believe in it, or maybe, we are just not letting our selves believe in it.

So during this week, I realize all of the lines that I drew in the sand, and believe me, there is a big tornado on the other side that is pulling me, but I am not letting myself go, I hold on, and I keep holding on, and it hurts. Looking back, hurts. Oh yeah, It really hurts. But a part of me thinks that holding on is the only way to go back and keep the past. But this week, for the very first time, I decided to cross that line, and I discovered that it actually feels good. It feels good to run knowing that nothing, no lines, no walls, no mountains... nothing is going to stop me. And even though the past seems further away with every step forward that I take, I can still see it. I will always see it. And maybe when the time comes to decide whether I stay or I go back, who knows, maybe I'll stay, and that was my fear: to love this side of the world so much, that won't let me go back.

So erase all of those lines, let the ocean erase what you drew on the sand. Don't be a fish inside a fishbowl, be a fish on the ocean. Just set yourself FREE.

XOXO L

My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Disappointment

“Disappointments are to the soul what the thunder-storm is to the air”

They say that being disappointed is worse than being sad, angry or upset. When somebody disappoints you, they destroy everything you believed in. When a friend lies to you, you are disappointed because you thought they would never lie to you. When your boyfriend cheats on you, you are disappointed because you trusted him. When your sister doesn't support you, you are disappointed, because she is supposed to be there for you. We all believe that our best friend would never lie to us, that our boyfriend would never cheat on us or that our sister will always be by our side, but sometimes, they don't do what they are supposed to, and yes, that's when they disappoint us.

Behind every single post, there's a story. I'm like Meredith Grey, behind every final speech, there's something that has to do with it during the episode. Or like Taylor Swift, behind every song, there's a broken heart. In my case, everything I write has to do with my adventures, not only in the USA, but also in my personal life... so, this is my story the shortest way possible: one day I said this guy was really cute, but I was too busy with another guy, so I didn't mind. Around 9 months later, everything ended wrong with the guy I was with, and suddenly the guy I said he was cute started talking to me, when I least expected. We chatted and chatted for around 4 months, and apparently he really liked me. We became really close, but nothing happened. August came and I had to leave argentina, and still nothing happened for some reason. But he promised we would still be friends and keep on touch. When I got here he said there were some things left unsaid and he wanted to talk to me, so a couple days later I talked to him on IM. He didn't answer. After that I talked to him a couple more times, but he never answered. Then I found out he made out with one of my friends, which wasn't cool at all. I kinda forgot about him after all these months, I actually like this american guy from my school, but now, he's going through one of the best experiences of his life, and even though nothing happened I wish he could talked to me about what he is going through. Because before I came here, I shared everything with him, everything that I felt and everything that I was scared of. But for some reason he's not talking to me so I can't wish him good luck, or tell him to enjoy and have fun and that I wish him the best. I mean it is not about liking him or not getting over him, the past is the past, I can forget a guy easily, I just can't forget a friend. And he became my friend after all this time. I trusted him and it is sad to know that his dignity won't let him talk to me. The End.

I know you don't care about the story, the thing is... he disappointed me. Now, I realize he never talked to me because he cared about me, he just liked me, I mean, physically like me. He didn't care about anything. And now that there's a continent between us and nothing can happen, he's not talking to me because it is obviously pointless for him. Well, not for me you know. All I know now, is that he's just another guy. Baaaam! Another lesson I've learnt in this experience in the US!

I can not find the right words that described best the feeling of "disappointment". Is like, everything you knew, doesn't exist. The awesome guy I thought he was, DOES NOT EXIST. He made me believe in something that wasn't there.

Disappointment... it's reality, it's the truth, it's the real world. Get over it.

xoxo
L

Hello 2011!

"Every ending is a new beginning"

Saying Goodbye to 2010 was hard, specially when it is the first time you spend New Year's Eve outside your country without your family and friends. In Argentina New Year is the biggest celebration of the year, but apparently here in the USA is not that big, unless you are in Time Square or Vegas. Well, I was in Syracuse. So we went there to spend the weekend with some friends, people that I actually didn't even know, and the 31st at night wasn't excited at all, knowing that everyone in Argentina was having fun surrounded by people they love and enjoying summer. But at this point, missing Argentina and my old customs it isn't something new, so there's nothing new to say about how I felt.

The next day we went to Syracuse University to see a basketball game, and at least I really enjoyed that.

But anyway, even though the beginning of the year wasn't that great, I have big expectations for this year. Is the beginning of the decade, I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm almost 16 and my life is just starting, I have the whole future in front of my eyes. And even though life didn't go as I planned when I was like 9 years old, I can say that I have a pretty good one. I'm full of adventures and experiences, and I'm lucky for that. 10 years ago I was starting first grade, and now I'm almost done with school. 10 years ago I wasn't Lola. 10 years ago I didn't have dreams or hopes or wishes. 10 years ago I didn't even imagine that I was gonna be where I am now. Not even last year. I'm 51 km away from Manhattan and it is awesome to know that. 51 km away from the city that doesn't sleep, from the city where dreams are made of. So all I know is that in 10 years everything has changed. Even in one year everything seems to be different. I don't know where I'm gonna be in 2020, maybe we will all die in 2012 (hope not LOL). I don't even know what I'm going to do on July. All I hope is I will find happiness wherever I decide to go and whatever I decide to be. And I also hope that for YOU, whoever you are.

xoxo L