be a freak, go to hollywood

Tonight

2012-03-11T21:48:00.001-04:00

Saturday night looked like it was going to be an amazing night and I didn't end up crying just because I had to pull it together.

It was the first party for seniors (there's one every month) and with my friends we had to go as sexy clowns. We sort of looked like whores, but whatchu gunna du? Anyway, so my boys were all gonna be there, so at least something had to happen with one of them.

We all were in the same bus, all of my friends, the girls from the other class, and the junior guys (including Robert). When we were going to the party, Charly started kissing me on my cheeks, and then he tried to kiss me on my lips, twice. Both times, I turned my face around to stop him, and I said "NOT NOW". Since he has a BIG EGO, he turned around and started making out with another girl, in front of me.

Then I saw Robert, and he didn't even say hi to me, and he ended up making out with some other girl.

And then Charly made out with another girl and he came to me and said "You deserve it", like "now I'm with someone else MUAHAHAHA" you fucking idiot.

All I wanted him to do was have a little bit of respect for me and treat me like a lady. He never did that which is why I'm so upset.

It's like everything is going wrong. And then Val chatted with Robert's friend and he said that Robert didn't really care about me, he just kissed me because I was looking for him.

I spent the whole day crying today because it hurts, it really does, and nobody understands me. But what I was trying to do was to cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it, you know what I mean?

I HATE BOYS.

But at least I had fun with my friends, we looked sexy, and I danced a little bit.

I HATE LOVE

2012-03-08T21:58:00.001-05:00

2012-03-08T21:50:00.003-05:00

EXPLICAME PORQUE SOS TAN LINDO.

Until You're Mine - Demi Lovato

2012-03-08T21:47:00.003-05:00

My state of mind has finally
got the best of me
I need you next to me
I'll try to find a way that I
could get to you
Just wanna get to you

The world I see is perfect now,
you're all around
With you I can breathe

Until you're mine, I have to find
A way to fill this hole inside
I can't survive without you here
by my side
Until you're mine, not gonna be
Even close to complete
I won't rest until you're mine
Mine...

Alone inside,
I can only hear your voice
Ringing through the noise

Can't fight my mind, keeps on
coming back to you
Always back to you

Wanted something out of reach
It's killing me, you're all I see, yeah

Just stop wondering
If we were meant to be
Forget about fate and just hold me
I'm ready to begin
The waiting has to end
Right now, today
I've gotta find a way

Cold As You - Taylor Swift

2012-03-07T19:41:00.000-05:00

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

C H A R L I E

2012-03-06T20:46:00.002-05:00

Aside from everything that is going on with Robert, Charlie finally showed me how much he likes me, but IN AN EXTREME WAY. Yesterday, he spent the whole day throwing indirect at me. He even asked everybody if we look good together, and he told one of my teachers we were dating.

If he would have done everything a few weeks ago, I would be the happiest person ever. But I waited for him to do something for two months, and now there's someone else. Charlie said we were gonna hook up on Saturday (there's a party at a nightclub) but the truth is that I'm gonna be waiting for Robert to do something, and since Charlie is my friend, I don't wanna have him as a second option. Besides, I felt super awkward and uncomfortable with him on Monday, so I don't know how this is gonna go.

2012-03-06T19:39:00.002-05:00

No me olvidé de vos. Me acordé de mí.

Forget Him, Remember Me

2012-03-06T15:18:00.001-05:00

Yes, time to admit it. What am I waiting for? He is a jerk, and he is not gonna change. Not now. I mean, if a guy didn't show interest in you the first few days, then it means he is never gonna be interested, specially if he made out with someone else when he had the chance to do it with you, or when he is online but doesn't even say hi. Then yes, he is a jerk. But I'm a girl, and I was taught with Disney movies that guys can prince charming, therefore I believe that every single one of them is a good guy, when the truth is, prince charming is one in a million. But I still have faith, so I hope, and I expect too much from these kids. Very innocent, actually. I think I should start paying attention to the signs life is giving me, showing that I should just lose faith in guys. And that's what's happening, I'm losing faith with every single broken heart, with every single jerk.

98% of it it's my fault, let's face it. I made out with him twice and then I thought he was gonna fall in love with me just because he gave me one of the most amazing kisses ever. That's stupid. He used me, I'm older so he thought he was gonna fool around with me and fuck with my feelings and emotions. And as far as I wanna kiss him again and give him another chance, deep inside I know that I gotta let him got before this is all too much. But it is not really about forgetting about him. It is more about remembering myself. Because I gotta love me more than any other guy will ever do. And he can grab my hand and kiss me and look at me with those beautiful eyes, but I have to be strong, and I have to say no.

Yesterday he didn't even say hi to me in school, how weird (sarcastic). That made me sad, after what happened on Friday night I just thought he was gonna have a little bit of respect for myself and come and say hi. But he didn't. It was frustrating and that pretty much ruined my day (and some other things too). When I came back home, my friend Nick gave me the most amazing piece of advice ever, and that was exactly what I needed to wake up from that dream where I thought Robert was a good guy. He told me that the guy is just a jerk, he's always been that way, and that I can never lose myself or stop loving myself for a guy like him. That I need to be a little bit harder on him, and make him fight for me and see if he is really willing to do it. Then I said that my biggest fear was that if I stopped being easy with him, then he would just leave, because no matter what an ass-whole he is, I don't want our last kiss to be out last. I still want more intense kisses. I don't wanna give them up. But my friend told me that I was being stupid, because if he wouldn't fight for me a little bit, then he is not worth my time, my tears, or my kisses.

And then I talked to Robert's friend, who is also my friend, and I was telling him that I decided to start having more dignity and only hook up with boys who show to be interested in me and who are willing to fight for it, and he said "oh, so let's dismiss Robert then", meaning that he is not that kind of guy, or that he is only interested in hooking up, nothing else. You have no idea how much that hurt. But at least now I know his friend is gonna tell him what I told him, and if he really wants me, he is gonna do something about it, which is what I hope, but do not expect at all. I'm sure he gonna be like "whatever" and he is gonna go find some other girl.

But you know, that's fine. I mean, it's not fine, but everything happens for a reason. It is sort of frustrating, but I gotta love myself first before I love anybody else. And if he is not respecting me, it is my fault, because I allowed him to do that. I didn't respect myself and therefore he was gonna do the same thing. But... I know he liked it. I know that it was a waaaaaaaaay better kiss that the one he had with the other girl. I mean, he is probably not gonna admit it, but I know he is gonna miss me on Friday nights. Like, seriously? 40 minutes making out without stopping. You have no idea how passionate was that. It was amazing.

I don't know what's gonna happen in the future anyway, but at least I committed myself to make him respect me and at least pretend to like me a little bit.

GIRLS SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE PRINCESSES. DON'T EVER LET A GUY DO WHATEVER HE WANTS WITH YOU.

And what do I want? I want him to need me.

PS: This post was half written when I was super sad and upset, and the other half when I realized I was being dramatic and that "it's me before dicks". you know what I mean?

Too Little Too Late - Jojo

2012-03-05T14:45:00.001-05:00

Come with me
Stay the night
You say the words but boy it don't feel right
What do ya expect me to say
You take my hand
And you say you've changed
But boy you know your begging don't fool me
Because to you it's just a game

So let me on down
'Cause time has made me strong
I'm starting to move on
I'm gonna say this now
Your chance has come and goneAnd you know...

It's just too little too late
a little too wrong
And I can't wait
But you know all the right things to say
You say you dream of my face
But you don't like me
You just like the chase
To be real
It doesn't matter anyway

I was young
And in love
I gave you everything
But it wasn't enough
And now you wanna communicate
Go find someone else
In letting you go
I'm loving myself
You got a problem
But don't come asking me for help
'Cause you know...

I can love with all of my heart, baby
I know I have so much to give
With a player like you I don't have a prayer
That's no way to live
It's just too little too late

Tonight

2012-03-04T20:02:00.000-05:00

Well well well... let's talk about Friday Night. From the very beginning.

I went to the same night club where I made out with Robert a week before. It was me, Jousefa, and all of my friends. Jousefa has a thing with one of Robert's friends, who is also my friend, so she was obviously going to make out with him. And I was also expecting to make out with Robert, not just because I think he is hot, but also because the first time we hooked up, I was a little bit... you know. Anyway, so when we got there we saw them, but once again, Robert didn't even say hi to me.

After a few hours I saw him dancing with another girl, and I think they were making out. Tears came to my eyes :( so I told my friend that I needed to go to the bathroom, but she didn't know why. I actually went to a little terrace in the back of the nightclub. I sat down there and I started crying and trying to call my other friend Val. She never answered because it was 3 Am so I just stayed there, and I could hear THIS SONG (click there if you wanna hear it) in my head.

After a few minutes, I saw ROBERT coming to the terrace with the girl, who happened to be a friend of mine (we are just acquaintances actually). I tried to clean my face a little bit, and then she came to me and asked me if I had seen her phone because she lost it, and he was helping her to look for it. She didn't know about Robert and I, so she came near me, and HE sat next to me. It was an awkward situation because I had no idea what the hell was going on, and I had tears in my eyes, and he was with her. Then two other friends came to help her, and one of them stayed with me later to talk because he was also sad about a girl. At some point, Robert left with the girl and went inside.

Then the guy who stayed with me said that we should forget about everything, go inside, dance, and have fun. When we were going inside, I saw Roobert with two guy friends going to the terrace, so I told the other guy that I needed to go to the bathroom, but I was actually following Robert. I acted like I didn't see him and he grabbed my hand and asked me if I was Ok, and I said yes, and then he asked me what I was doing there by myself and I didn't really know what to answer so I just said that I was tired, and then he asked me the key question: QUERES IR A DAR UNA VUELTA? (do you want to go to walk around?), and I looked at him, knowing he had hooked up with someone else before and that she was not there anymore, and what did I say? Sadly and luckily, both at the same time, I said YES. So he grabbed my hand again, we walked through the whole night club and we went downstairs, to a place where nobody else was, and then yes, we made out for like 40 minutes without stopping, it was... intense hahahahahaha. It felt amazing.

But what happened? After 40 minutes he said he had to go with his friends, and he left me. I went upstairs and I saw my friend Jousefa with her guy, and he was being super cute, unlike Robert, and I felt bad because I felt used. So later, I met a german guy that I had seen before at the mall, and I ended up making out with him too for like 5 minutes. But just to let Robert know that he is not the only one who is playing with someone, he made out with another girl, ok... fine. I MADE OUT WITH A HOT GERMAN GUY YOU EFFING ASSHOLE.

After that night, he didn't even talked to me. So yes, he thinks I'm his dog and he can do whatever he wants with me, whenever he is bored, he is gonna look for me and he knows I'm gonna say yes because he knows I think he is hot.

I mean, I could use him too. I still have X and Mason, so I could just make out with him whenever I see him and then forget about it, but the problem is that even if I try to do that, I know the more I make out with him, the more I'm gonna like him. I am not the kind of girl who can kiss a guy, see him in school every day, and then forget about it, because I know that's a game where I'm gonna end up losing. He is never gonna feel anything, but I know I will. So he is gonna fool around with my feelings, manipulate me, play with me, do whatever he wants with me, and then leave me like he did last night.

I wish I could have self respect and just let him go, but I don't think I can do that. And at the end of the day it is not really about him, it is about me.

"And my weakness is, that I care too much."

2012-03-03T17:30:00.001-05:00

I Am - Hilary Duff

2012-03-02T14:50:00.000-05:00

I'm an angel, I'm a devil
I am sometimes in between
I'm as bad it can get
And good as it can be
Sometimes I'm a million colors
Sometimes I'm black and white
I am all extremes
Try figure me out you never can
There's so many things I am

I am special
I am beautiful
I am wonderful
And powerful
Unstoppable
Sometimes I'm miserable
Sometimes I'm pitiful
But that's so typical of all the things I am

I'm someone filled with self-belief
And haunted by self-doubt
I've got all the answers
I've got nothing figured out
I like to be by myself
I hate to be alone
I'm up and I am down
But that's part of the thrill
Part of the plan
Part of all of the things I am

I'm a million contradictions
Sometimes I make no sense
Sometimes I'm perfect
Sometimes I'm a mess
Sometimes I'm not sure who I am

The Math - Hilary Duff

2012-03-02T14:45:00.001-05:00

You're always trying to figure out
What I am all about
If you don't know what the answer is
Then just shut up and kiss
It shouldn't take forever
To put it all together
If you can't do the math
Then get out of the equation
I am calling you back
This is star 69
Is it a minus or a plus
Does enough equal enough
If you can't do the math
Then nothing adds up
Tell me why I'm here

Sure I want someone to understand
But I don't need the stress
I'm not about being analyzed
Like it's some kind of test

Don't have to be a genius
To figure what's between us

You can spend your whole life analyzing
Justifying, quantifying, and dividing
'Till there's nothing anymore
Why don't you just close your eyes
And kiss my lips and let it go
Just let it flow
It's what I'm waiting for

Today

2012-03-02T14:39:00.001-05:00

So today the first person I saw was Baby. It was awkward because he is shy as hell, he didn't even look me in the eyes. I was walking in the hallways and I saw my friend who is also his friend so I went to say hi to him and the first person I go to say hi to was Baby. After that awkward moment I said hi to all of his friends and they were all laughing. The funny thing is that Baby didn't even say hi, he was sooo nervous. It was frustrating :(

And then, after school, I went to the mall that is a block away to look for one of my friends, and when I went to the food court I walked by his table where he was eating with his friends, and EVERY SINGLE FRIEND looked at me and laughed, while he was looking down super nervous.

I mean, I don't know what the hell is going on. Tonight I'm going out to the same nightclub where we hooked up and I hope he is there, but I don't even know if something's gonna happen because he can't even look at me.

But there's a small detail I didn't tell here. When we were making out he was drunk, and then he said he was feeling sick and he puked. I was there, nothing happened to me, but I saw it, and I think that's the reason why he feels so embarrassed. I don't know.

Anyway, I REALLY REALLY HOPE I see him tonight, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

On the other hand, I sit next to Val, who sits next to X. And then after school he texted me asking me about my first day of school in Argentina and then we talked for a while and he was kinda cute, but he still doesn't really show anything.

Overall it was an amazing first day of school, I just hope Baby stops being so shy because I'm not done with him yet.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

2012-03-02T14:31:00.000-05:00

Today I've realized that coming back to Argentina was the best thing I've ever done in my life. I was so happy to be there, in my school, with my real friends, sitting next to Val and behind Josefa. It was amazing! I just couldn't have asked for more. Besides, IM A SENIOR. I'm school royalty, it feels beautiful <3

CLASS OF 2012!!

Sparks Fly - Taylor Swift

2012-03-01T00:32:00.000-05:00

The way you move is like a full on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards
You're the kind of reckless
That should send me runnin'
But I kinda know that I won't get far
And you stood there in front of me
Just close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking of

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

My mind forgets to remind me
You're a bad idea
You touch me once and it's really something,
You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be.
I'm on my guard for the rest of the world
But with you I know it's no good
And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would...

I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.
Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right.
Lead me up the staircase
Won't you whisper soft and slow?
I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show.

Letter to Valen

2012-02-29T10:38:00.002-05:00

Por donde empezar....

Hace 1 año y medio que venimos planeando y contando los meses para que vuelva, y al fin se dió, después de meses y meses chateando, hablando por Skype, y sin poder juntarnos ni vivir boludeces como las que venimos viniendo desde que llegue.

La cuestion es que estoy TAN feliz de haber vuelto, y mucho más feliz de haber compartido casi todos los momentos lindos desde que llegue con vos. Me di cuenta que estamos MUCHO mas unidas de lo que estabamos cuando me fui, y eso hay que agradecercelo a la distancia, porque más allá de que no te vi por mucho tiempo, vos siempre estuviste ahí, y como te dije muchas veces, fuiste una de las pocas. Por eso me hiciste saber que puedo contar con vos siempre, en las buenas y en las malas, al igual que vos con migo y wewewewe.

Sinceramente nose como hice para estar en USA y tenerte tan lejos, osea, como ayer, que me sentia mal y al rato estaba en tu house hablando, chichiando, chusmeando, analizando, haciendo terapia, y comiendo waffles. No tenes una idea como una tarde tan simple me puede ayudar tanto. Aparte es una cosa que nos entendemos en todo, hasta cuando hacemos chistes pelotudos nos reimos. Y bueno, me buscaste al amor de mi vida, algo que YA SE COMO AGRADECERTE pero nunca va a ser suficiente jajajajaja, aunque voy a hacer el intento de que si lo sea.

Vos sabes que estoy para lo que necesites forever and always <3

TE AMO HASTA EL CIELO, IDA Y VUELTA. NO TENGO PALABRAS PARA DECIRTE GRACIAS POR TODO LO Q HICISTE POR MI, ACOMPANIARME (VA CON ENIE PERO EN MAYUSCULA NO SE PUEDE) ESTE FINDE, COCINARME, ESTAR SIEMPRE, AYUDARME, ACONSEJARME, Y OBERT OBERT OBERT JAJAJAJAJAJ I LOVE YOU <333
Y SE VIENEN NUESTROS CUMPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES. WEWEWEWEWEWE

Just One Night Kiss

2012-02-29T10:31:00.002-05:00

I don't know what happened with me last night. The whole "Robert" thing made me explode and I started crying and I was like "am I really crying for this?". Even I couldn't believe that I was crying for such a stupid thing.

Then I started crying and I started thinking, and I realized that no, this boy is not the main reason. I mean, he is contributing, but he is not the main reason at all. BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY FOR YOUNGER GUYS.

I think I was crying because I'm gonna miss my last first day of school because I'm still waiting for my school papers to be sent from Buenos Aires so I can show here that I did do the Argentinian online school, but I don't know for sure when these papers are gonna come so I don't really know when I'm starting school, while all of my friends are starting tomorrow. Missing school for a couple of days is fine, that's not a big deal. But I really wanted to see Robert before everybody forgot what happened on Friday, and now I feel like that's not gonna happen. And he never talked to me again and my best guy friend told me that it is sort of weird that he hasn't chatted me or something after so many days. So yes, this is what I thought it was: just a one night kiss.

But like I said, BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY FOR YOUNGER GUYS.

2012-02-29T00:30:00.001-05:00

boys make me cry.

Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

2012-02-28T22:19:00.001-05:00

I threw a wish in the well,
Don't ask me, I'll never tell
I looked to you as it fell,
And now you're in my way
I trade my soul for a wish,
Pennies and dimes for a kiss
I wasn't looking for this,
But now you're in my way
Your stare was holdin',
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'
Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where you think you're going, baby?

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe?

It's hard to look right,
At you baby,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe?

You took your time with the call,
I took no time with the fall
You gave me nothing at all,
But still, you're in my way

I beg, and borrow and steal
Have foresight and it's real
I didn't know I would feel it,
But it's in my way

And all the other boys,
Try to chase me,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe?

Before you came into my life
I missed you so bad
I missed you so bad
I missed you so, so bad

2012-02-28T22:00:00.002-05:00

TENGO GANAS DE GRITAR.

How Many Kisses Does It Take?

2012-02-28T13:57:00.000-05:00

I'm an obsessive person. We all know that. I have the power to transform something little and useless into a big part of my life. That's good, sometimes, because feeling too much can also be productive. I mean, being able to make each moment important is what makes an amazing life. But some other times, it brings me down. Because some things are probably meant to stay where they belong, somewhere where nobody, not even me, can find them. Just like that kiss on Friday should have stayed there, on Friday, in that nightclub, and never find its way out. But we are talking about myself here, and nothing stays where it belongs. I let everything out, and I over-think each little thing that comes to me. At some point it gets confusing, where I don't even know how I feel anymore. Because, why can't I stop thinking about it? Why am I thinking about a guy who probably doesn't give a shit about that night? Why did that guy, who I didn't even know, change so many things in my mind?

It scares me. What scares me? Everything. Because I know me, and I know love, and I know how I function with love. I mean, love and I? No, we don't work together. We are like salt and water. I'm the kind of girl who gets herself a gift for Valentine's Day. I'm the kind of girl who never gets the boy she wants. Now what am I talking about? Do I want this boy? Do I really like him? That's the problem. Who the hell knows? Why was that kiss so perfect? I mean, right there, that moment when I was kissing him, where I just stopped giving a fuck about everything else. Why, out of 4 other guys, he was the one that brought earthquakes to my heart? He made me feel Niall Horan, and I mean the real one, didn't matter anymore. He, with just one kiss, was able to throw Morgan, Sam, Cody, Jake, Jason, Mason, and whoever into a trash called "past". I mean, I've been trying to do that for days, months, years. I used songs, movies, quotes, blogs, Grey's Anatomy, Glee, One Direction, tumblr, WeHeartIt, everything! I used everything to forget them all, and none of those techniques worked. Now he came and just turned my world upside. My question is... does that mean something? The fact that I can see Jake right now and not give a shit, DOES THAT MEAN SOMETHING?

But once again, who cares if it means something. Because he probably doesn't wanna talk to me again. And whatever that happened on Friday, is probably over and in the past for him. He is not going to care about how I felt when he looked at me with those beautiful eyes. He is not going to care how I felt when he kissed me either. He is a boy, he is not going to care about anything, just like all of them. Because that's what guys do, they just don't care. Yes, he talked to me the next day to say sorry for being so drunk. He didn't say anything else. Ok, cool. What can I do? Wait for him to talk me again just like I used to do with every single asshole? Naah, what a waste of time. I can't even talk about this with my friends because I know what they are going to say: "it was just a kiss, and he was drunk". I know they are going to say that because that's also what my mind says. All of the previous sweet things before the kiss just fade away and all I'm left with is nothing. N O T H I N G. Absolutely nothing. Is it surprising? Not at all. Is it unexpected? Please, no. Is is disappointing, is it frustrating? Maybe. Does it hurt? A little. Or maybe more than a little.

I know that at least it happened, unlike with Sam or Morgan or whoever. At least there was a moment where I had him. It didn't last for long, but it is something. The problem is, once you get a little, all you want is MORE. It is like when you are hungry and someone gives you a bite of a McDoanld's burger, just ONE SINGLE BITE. After that, your stomach is going to realize that it is hungrier than what your brain thought it was, and it is going to ask for more. Sadly, every single organ in our body works that way, including our heart. We get a little, and want M O R E. Is it ever enough? No! The more you get, the more you want. "There's something about the possibility, of more. More tequila, more love. More anything. More is better. There's something to be said about a glass half full, about knowing when to say when. I think it's more of a floating line, a barometer of need. Of desire. It's entirely up to the individual, and it depends what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless... all we want is more". And there you go, if Meredith Grey said it, now you probably believe me.

How do I feel after writing this post? Exactly the same. Because there is nothing to analyze here, nothing to think about. This is not about possibilities, not about fate, not about chances. I don't even know what this is about. I don't know where I'm going with this either. And the worst thing is that the problem is myself. I need to be able to make out with guys without falling in love with them later. I need to be able to handle those eyes, those smiles, those hands, those.... I JUST NEED TO FUCKING DEAL WITH THOSE THINGS. I can't write a post like this every time a playboy grabs my hand, takes me somewhere else, and kisses me. I need to be strong.

But the final, and most important question, after everything you've just read, after everything that has happened, after all of the stupidity I have just admitted... the question is... do I like him?

........ ........ ........ ........

Just In Case Someone Needs Help

2012-02-27T02:33:00.001-05:00

Seriously, I know how it feels to feel trapped in a world you don't belong, without knowing where to go. But there's no storm that lasts forever, the sun always shines eventually.

Hit The Lights - Selena Gomez

2012-02-27T01:53:00.003-05:00

It's the boy you never told 'I like you'
It's the girl you let get away
It's the one you saw that day on the train
But you freaked out and walked away

It's the plane you wanna catch to Vegas
Things you swear you'd do before you die
It's the city of love that waits for you
But you're too damn scared to fly

Hit the lights
Let the music move you
Lose yourself tonight
Come alive
Let the moment take you
Lose control tonight

It's the time that you totally screwed up
Still you're tryna get it out your brain
It's the fight you had when you didn't make up
It's the past that you're dying to change

It's all the money that you're saving
While the good life passes by
It's all the dreams that never came true
‘Cause you're too damn scared to try.

It's a mad, mad world
Gotta make an escape
It's a perfect world
When you go all the way
Hit the lights
Let the music move you
Lose yourself tonight

2012-02-26T23:40:00.004-05:00

Necesitaba irse lejos para volver a empezar

A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

2012-02-26T18:26:00.001-05:00

I am literally living la vida loca.

These pictures are from Saturday night, I went to a birthday party with all of my friends. The blonde girl is one of my best friends, Val.

But Friday night was the real deal. It was the craziest night of my life, I've never had SO MUCH FUN before. It was awesome. I kissed Baby yayyyyy!!!

Anyway, I AM LOVING LIFE.

Here's My Number, So Call Me Maybe ;)

2012-02-23T17:12:00.002-05:00

I AM HAPPY

2012-02-23T12:41:00.002-05:00

I think I've never been this happy in my life :)

Younger Boys

2012-02-22T21:00:00.001-05:00

For some reason I have always liked guys of my age or even younger. I was never really attracted to older boys for some reason. Jake is almost 2 years older, but he's only one grade higher in school so it's almost the same.

I did think a guy was hot a couple years ago, but he ended up with my friend, which is fine cuz she also thought he was hot, and I never liked him again, we are buddies now and its the coolest thing, because now I'm starting to fancy one of his friends who is sooooooooo hot in a young way (? I mean, he is obviously younger than me, but he is just... I don't know.

It's not that I LIKE him, I just feel attracted to him, two different things. He's gonna be called Robert. K bye.

UPDATE FEBRUARY 25TH: I MADE OUT WITH HIM!!!!!!!

Weeeeeeekend I'm waiting for you!

2012-02-22T20:56:00.002-05:00

I think this Friday I'm gonna be singing "Friday" by Rebecca Black all day long! I cannot wait for this weekend. My mom is going out of town and she's coming back on Sunday, and I am sort of staying alone. I mean, my uncle is here but he is probably gonna spend the whole weekend with his girlfriend, and I'm gonna be having the time of my life. It is also the last weekend before school starts on Tuesday, and on Monday night we are all going to go celebrate to someone's house and then we are gonna stay there the whole night and then go to school together and show up and be like "EVERYBODY STAND UP FOR SENIORS 2012, YEAAAAAAH BUDDY". lol.

No, seriously, with my friends we are celebrating on Friday, Saturday, (I dk about Sunday, and Monday. It's gonna be EPIC. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!

This is going to be the perfect end to an amazing summer, and the perfect beginning of an amazing year!

SENIORS 2012 <3

CONGRATS JEN!

2012-02-22T20:51:00.000-05:00

I love her, she's talented, beautiful, sweet, and deserves the best, not just in her career, but also in her personal life. WE LOVE YOU JEN!

Confused

2012-02-19T01:27:00.002-05:00

I don't know what's going on. I'm starting to think about him more than a lot. I wanna see him really bad. I wanna talk to him. I just miss him. I am not supposed to be feeling this way because it was over waaaaaay too long ago. I don't want to say the words "here we go again" because this is probably just a side effect of all of the changes I had been through in the past month, and I still have to get used to my new life in Argentina so maybe I am holding on to all of the things that I had before I left, but I need to stop thinking about him before this gets serious.

Boring Night

2012-02-19T01:24:00.001-05:00

So I just came back from Uruguay, and I got here at 12 pm. Tonight, all of my friends decided to go out together to a night club in downtown, and I couldn't make it so it's pretty sad :( and last night, everybody decided to go to another night club and one of my friends told me she saw Jake and he said hi to her and the first thing that came to my mind was "I should have been there".

But it's raining right now, I can hear the thunders, so it's a pretty good night to stay home. And I'm also going out tomorrow night and Monday night because here in Argentina and in some other countries of Latin America such as Brazil, it's carnival weekend, so we have 4 days off to just party every single day and enjoy the end of the summer.

And by the way, one of the labels is called "Today", where I blog about what I did during the day, and now I'm creating a new label called "Tonight", since now I have a nightlife so I can talk about my nights going out dancing :D

He Just Doesn't Give A Shit. Period.

2012-02-19T01:19:00.000-05:00

So I finally saw X. It’s been almost two months since myfriend told me he texted her telling her he was starting to like me and Ifinally saw him like two weeks ago (I haven’t had time to post this earlier).

It was weird. That’s for sure.

I didn’t really know what to expect because everybody wastelling me he liked me and stuff, but he never really did anything except forbbm-ing (that verb probably doesn’t exist) me once. So I knew it was going tobe awkward to go to his house because he probably knew that I knew about himliking me or whatever, and I’m sure he also knew that I knew he knew about it(wtf?). Sounds confusing but you get my point. It’s like we both kneweverything, but nobody said anything so it was just… awkward.

Now… you must be wondering if he took the chance, since Iwas at his house, to do something. And the funny thing is that, no matter howexperienced, shameless, brave, and confident he looks, he barely talked to me.It was like I was not even there. He spent the whole night making the pizzasand then playing cards with some other friends, and he didn’t even say hi to me.After a few hours, I was at the pool with some other kids and he came and satnext to me and joined the conversation and helped me with my blackberry orsomething, but he never even tried to show me a little bit that he is trying toget with me. So it’s confusing because I don’t know if he lied to my friends,if my friends lied to me, if everything is some kind of joke, if he reallylikes me but I look like some kind of monster who is going to bite him orsomething, I don’t know what the hell is going on.

After I left his house the first thing my friend Jo saif tome was “What the hell is going on with X?” because he acts like he knows how todeal with girls and then he is scared to even talk to me.

But I have a whole new perspective on this type of stuff.After watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” and hundred thousand times, I amnot going to start trying to figure out what’s going on in his mind. If youlike me boy, come and tell me or do something to let me know how you feel. Ifyou don’t do anything, then you don’t like me. That’s how it works. If he actslike he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. So that’s how I’mgoing to look at this whole situation. And if he does give a shit but he’s tooscared to show it, which according to my new perspective that just CAN’T HAPPENbecause guys are not girls, then he has to show me somehow how he feels andfight for me. I know he’s hot, and he knows he’s hot, but doesn’t mean that Iam going to come for free, that easy. No, no. You like me? Show me. Fight for me. Talk to me. Flirt with me. I don’tknow, LIKE MY PICTURE ON FACEBOOK OR JUST DO SOMETHING. Do not tell the wholefreakin world that you like me so then they are gonna tell me about it, if youare not willing to DO SOMETHING about it.

So I hope I left things clear. And for now, there’s nothingbetween us and he just doesn’t give a shit. And I don't give a shit either. This is a non-shit-giving situation.

Afraid Of Love

2012-02-19T01:06:00.000-05:00

I realized that I’m scared of boys. I want them when I don’thave them, and when fate finally brings them to me, I get scared and runaway. It’s frustrating and it makes mehate myself.

What happened was something that anybody who reads my blogis going to believe: Mason asked me out to the movies. I don’t know if he didit on a friendly way or what, but he is showing pretty clear signs and I thinksomething might happen soon. He texted me, chatted me, he even bbmed me. The thing is… the moment when he asked me out,even though I got super excited on the outside, something deep inside startedto feel uncomfortable and I started to wonder if he is the guy I really want,if I really like him, if he’s what I think he is, etc, etc etc. Bullshit.Because I do like him, and even though he is not perfect, he is sort of what Iwant. The problem is that it scares the shit out of me.

The same thing happened with Jake. Months before he startedtalking to me I used to say he was the “perfect guy”. Then, out of nowhere, hefell in love with me and I started to have my doubts and I pushed myself tofind things I didn’t like about him. And of course, nothing happened, which ismainly my fault, because even though I always say he was the one who neverasked me out, I’m sure that even if he did ask me out, I would have foundexcuses not to go.

And then Mr X. Well, that’s a whole different story, buteven though I never really liked him, I did think he was also the “perfectboyfriend”, and then, also out of nowhere, the guy starts liking me and what doI do? Think about all of the reasons why I should not like him back.

So yes, I admit I am scared and that’s why I am foreveralone. But I know that deep inside I like the three of them, and I’m gonna haveto deal with my insecurities, other wise I’m going to miss out on three reallygood guys.

LOVING URUGUAY

2012-02-16T01:36:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day... I guess

2012-02-14T12:00:00.000-05:00

Beach Beach Beach - Uruguay

2012-02-13T19:09:00.000-05:00

2012-02-08T02:51:00.000-05:00

"You only get to live your senior year once" - Glee Cast

Stay Beautiful - Taylor Swift

2012-02-08T02:50:00.001-05:00

Cory's eyes are like a jungle
He smiles, it's like the radio
He whispers songs into my window
In words nobody knows
There's pretty girls on every corner
That watch him as he's walking home
Saying, does he know
Will you ever know

You're beautiful
Every little piece love, don't you know
You're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
When you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful

Cory finds another way to be
The highlight of my day
I'm taking pictures in my mind
So I can save them for a rainy day
It's hard to make conversation
When he's taking my breath away
I should say, hey by the way

If you and I are a story
That never gets told
If what you are is a daydream
I'll never get to hold, at least you'll know

Weekend

2012-02-08T02:44:00.002-05:00

(with one of my best friends, Val)

I had such an amazing weekend, I literally didn't stop. Friday night I went to a nightclub with three friends (no comment about this). Saturday night I went to two parties and then to a nightclub in downtown with 5 friends and it was soooo much fun, and then it started to rain, like pouring rain, and we were walking in the middle of the streret which was some kind of river, it was the funniest thing ever, I almost peed myself because I couldn't stop laughing. It was 5 am and we were running looking for some kind of roof, and then a friend's brother had to pick us up, it was just so much fun! Then Sunday night I went to a friend's house to have pizzas with friends and it was also really nice.

And during the afternoons I just hanged out with friends, tanned, enjoyed the warm weather, went to the mall, etc etc etc.

I am having the time of my life and I am really happy because all of these is what I get for following my heart.

Now let's talk about boys.

On Thursday, Mason texted me, chatted me, and called me to plan something for the weekend (with some other friends), which couldn't happen because I ended up going out with girlfriend, but the fact that he even called me made my day.

I saw X over the weekend, and I expected him to flirt with me or something, and no, he completely got scared and didn't do anything.

And Jake was at one of the parties that I went to on Saturday, and I hate myself for not saying hi to him. I really wanted to see him. I feel like feelings of the past are starting to come back to life, and I don't know why. I don't understand if I am starting to like him again, or he just means a lot to me and I want to see him. I don't know, the thing is that I keep thinking about seeing him again all the time.

I also told my mom about these three boys, which is sort of weird cuz I never really tell her stuff. I guess I just missed my mom a lot while I was in the States and I want to start enjoying her a little bit more.

Tomorrow I'm going to Uruguay for like a week and a half and it sort of hurts to leave my city because I am really having fun, but it is just for a few days, then I'm coming back and I am staying home until forever, I don't ever want to leave again, at least for a few years. After college, I know the world is going to be waiting for me, but for now, I LOVE CORDOBA (ARGENTINA).

Set The Fire To The Rain - Adele

2012-02-08T02:23:00.001-05:00

I let it fall, my heart,
And as it fell you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me

My hands, they're strong
But my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet

But there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.

But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

When I lay with you
I could stay there
Close my eyes
Feel you here forever
You and me together
Nothing is better

Sometimes I wake up by the door,
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you.

2012-02-08T02:17:00.002-05:00

“I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. I think that’s why she always struggled with God. And I think that’s why she also struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed.”

—	Carrie Ryan, The Dead-Tossed Waves

Yes, I Have A Life!!

2012-02-04T21:25:00.000-05:00

So the reason why I haven't been blogging as much is because I finally have a life! I go out every single day! I have to get deeper into that actually but I am really loving it here! Nothing interesting happened yet with anybody, but I am just having a lot of fun and starting to remember what it feels like to actually go out with friends and have a social life. I don't regret my decision at all, and like my reader Jasmine said, my experience in America was a lesson I learned and an experience I will never forget, and now it is time to move on and enjoy life.

So now I can say that I know I followed my heart when I made my decision, and I encourage my 12 followers and the rest of my readers to do the same thing, because it is the only way to never regret anything.

I'll post some pictures tomorrow because I'm going to a night club with friends today! :D

Hey there

2012-02-01T22:20:00.000-05:00

So today I said... WHAT THE HELL. If I blog too much about this kid, then I think my readers deserve to see and know why. And there you go. He is not a model, he is not a college kid, he is not 18, he doesn't drive cuz he's not old enough, he is younger than me, yet the look in his eyes make him the most perfect thing in the world to me right now.

Letter to Jake

2012-02-01T01:19:00.000-05:00

I am finally back. After saying goodbye and after awkward conversations on line, I am here. I think I had been waiting for this moment since the day I left, because even if I deny it and even if I don't believe it, you were a big deal for me. I never showed anything, I know. And I do not think it was a personal thing, but that's just who I am, I don't really show it when I care about someone because I am too scared of getting corny and cheesy and gross. I always blamed you for leaving without even a kiss, I mean, how come a guy like you couldn't even get a hug from me? I am not easy, but I am not that hard either. But the truth is, it was sort of my fault too. I was cold, and I had too many things in my mind, I was going through a weird time, I was moving to another country, and everything was changing in my life, so I couldn't really pay attention to you because let's be honest: there was no hope.

The thing is... now I am starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, you were not just playing with me like you probably do with many other girls. Maybe what you felt was real. Maybe you were just a guy trying to get the girl he liked, and eventually you found out it was not going to be as easy as you were used to. And even though it is sort of over now I guess, I do appreciate the fact that you didn't forget me. I haven't talked to you for a while, and I am sure you are over me now, just like I am over you, but to be honest, I would like to see you. I think some things are getting sort of complicated in my mind, because once again, I am going through some weird changes. You know, moving back to my old life brings me back to you so I get confused. Not in a romantic way I guess, but just the fact that you were a big part of my life and I can't help to wonder how you are doing. Maybe you don't care about me anymore, but I do care about you. You might be dating someone else, I don't know, and I might be interested in someone else too, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to hug you and tell you thanks for taking me seriously, for waiting for me until the day I left and for staying in touch. I admit I was a bitch when I asked you if british guys were hot when you went to England, and I was a bitch for never talking to you on BBM after you told me to just say hi whenever I was bored. I was just trying to make myself feel better, and I also didn't want to get confussed, because I am a lightweight, one single word can make my whole world shake, and I couldn't handle it 10.000 km away from you.

And yes, time went by, and we never talked again. Now I don't even know how you are doing, and you probably don't even know I am back. But if I ever see you again, I'm going to look at you in the eyes and remember all of those months that I waited for you, all of the tears that I cried for you, and all of the times you made me smile, because you did know how to make me happy.

So I guess I'll see you soon, and if I don't, I just wish you the best, and once again, thank you.

Home Sweet Home

2012-01-26T22:42:00.001-05:00

So I'm here, laying in my bed in Argentina. I can't believe it, but at the same time, it feels like I have never left.

So today when I arrived the first two persons I saw were my best friends Jousefa and Val. Then my mom and my sisters, then my grandfather, and then my step dad. Even though I was not very excited when I was Chile, when I saw them all I realized why I came back.

Then we went home, we talked for a while, and with my friends and my mom we unpacked. And then, I did something that I had been waiting for, for a long, long time: GO TO THE MALL WALKING!!!!! I lived in New Jersey, just highways, no sidewalks. I had to go everywhere by car, and my friends were not the kinf of people that like to go out all the time, so I basically lived inside my house and school, no social life. Now I finally got to go out like I used to do before I went to New Jersey. And it is summer here, so I could just wear a pair of shorts and a shirt, it was beautiful.

I do miss NJ though, and everybody tells me how much I've learned and grown, which is amazing, because that was my main goal.

So anyway, I'm here, after all I have been through.

Chile

2012-01-26T10:45:00.001-05:00

So I'm writing from Chile. The hardest part (saying goodbye) is finally over. I am proud of myself because I didn't cry, but I think I'm still not aware of what's going on. My mind just can't understand that I will never go to my high school again, I'm never going to see the people I've met in a long time, I'm not going to be in my house anymore, and most important, I'm not going to see my American family until December, I don't know how I'm going to survive without seeing my sisters.

Thinking about the fact that I'm gonna be in Argentina in three hours doesn't excite me thaaaaaaat much, I don't know why. I feel weird, and I have been away for so long that it feels like I'm going to an unknown place, or maybe I know it too much, which is why it is not exciting.

It feels so surreal. That's the only word that can describe this whole situation.

Well, hugs and kisses from Santiago - Chile.

2012-01-24T22:46:00.001-05:00

I feel lonely, like nobody understand what I'm going through, and nobody even makes an effort to do so.

Today (Last Day Of School)

2012-01-24T15:42:00.002-05:00

So today was my official last day of school in SPFHS. Woow.

The first three periods were not sad at all, I just couldn't believe I was not going to be there anymore. I feel like I didn't get emotional or anything because I haven't really bonded with those teachers and I didn't really have friends in those classes. But then gym came, which was one of my favorite classes because of how small it was. I seriously loved everyone in that class, and I discovered how much I like playing volleyball, it was so much fun.

Lunch was also sad, because it was the last time I saw the people in my table, and they have been my friends since the very beginning.

Astronomy, Spanish, and Italian were really, really sad. My teachers really made me feel special and they showed me how much they appreciate me. In Spanish, the teacher and my classmates recorded a video saying why they are going to miss me and it was the cutest thing.

Then the bell rang, and I had to say goodbye to that high school. The one I hated so much, but ended up loving. I had to take all of the things out of the locker and just walk away.

I know I didn't make a change in anybody's life in that school. I came out of nowhere from another country, and then I randomly left. I didn't make any kind of impact or anything. But nobody in that school can imagine how much they meant to me. Even the people that I've never talked to. Each hallway, each room, each class, each teacher, each person, they all made a change in my life. And I will never forget the mornings that I spent in that school with all of them.

Moving

2012-01-24T15:30:00.004-05:00

Some people have been asking me where I am moving and why. So for the ones that read my blog but don't really understand what's going on I'll make it easy: I am from Argentina, I lived there my entire life. My dad and his family are Americans and when he divorced my mom he came back to his country, so when I was 15 I decided to come to live with him for a while to be with him, his wife, and my sisters, and also to study abroad, which was something I always wanted to do. So lived here for around a year and a half. I had my ups and downs but it was definitely the best thing that happened in my whole life. Since this is my house, I mean, my dad's house, which is sort of the same, I had the chance to decide when I wanted to go back to Argentina, and I even had the chance to stay here forever (that's the amazing thing about having two homes in different countries). I was supposed to go back in July but I ended up staying 6 more months because I felt like a year was not enough. Now it is time to go back (tomorrow!!), and that's why I'm so stressed out and with so many mixed emotions and feelings. I am excited to get my old life back, but at the same time leaving everything I have here in the States is really, really hard.

Thank you for reading my blog, it means a lot to me that many of you actually comment and email me to give me advices or to tell me that you feel related to the things I write. Writing about my experience and getting to interact with other readers was definitely one of the best things. At the beginning this was supposed to be a blog about my year in the States, but it ended up being some kind or journal, so I'll keep blogging no matter where I am :)

2012-01-23T00:04:00.001-05:00

but the real question is... why do I want his attention so bad, if I don't really want h i m ?

Mona Lisa Smile

2012-01-22T23:53:00.002-05:00

There are movies that entertain you, movies that make you laugh, movies that make you cry, movies that make you remember some memories, movies that you don't like... and there are some other movies that can change your perspective on certain things and can get to your soul, and those are the type of movies I like to write about.

This was a Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts weekend, so I watched "Love Actually", "Notting Hill", and "Mona Lisa Smile". All good movies, I sort of cried with the three of them, but the only one that really got me was the one I've just finished, "Mona Lisa Smile". I don't know if it can make it to my favorite movies, but it definitely makes it to one of the best movies I've ever seen, which is a completely different thing, I mean, the movie Crossroads, starring Britney Spears, is one of my favorite movies, but one of the worst Hollywood movies ever. The thing is, this movie really, really caught me.

If you haven't watched it, it takes place back in the 50's, the decade where stereotypes were created: men were meant to go to work every morning, and women were meant to take care of the house. A decade where the country was in fear of an atomic bomb being dropped by the Soviets. A decade of discrimination and racism. And sadly, a decade that was far away from revolution and change, two things that finally came in the 60's and later.

"Mona Lisa Smile" is about a woman, Katherine Watson, who gets a job at one of the best universities for women to teach "Art History" (something that I would like to do in some other life). She gets to teach to all of these girls who are brain washed by society, and are waiting for the first rich man to come and propose to them. Katherine comes with her feminist ideals and helps them to look at life with different eyes, letting them know how much they are worth it, encouraging them to be better, to pursue their dreams, to believe in themselves, to stop depending on a man, and to be independent. The movie is basically about how hard it is for them to understand this new perspective that Mrs. Watson is trying to show them. It is an amazing message that I wish women could have had back in the 50's.

"I thought I was headed to a place that would turn out tomorrow's leaders, not their wives!" - Katherine Watson

But the idea of being independent is not shown only through the ideas of marriage and society. What I love the most about the movie was the respect that Katherine Watson has for her own self. At the end of the movie, the board of education of the school decides to call her back for the next school year, but they do not give her the freedom to give her message to her students, and the only way they are going to let her teach again in that school is by controlling her classes. Even though teaching in that school is her dream, she declines the offer, because she stays true to herself, to her beliefs, and to her biggest goal, which is to make a change. She gives up her dream for that simple goal, and she quits.

That reminded me of myself. I realized that right now, I am quitting my dream. I am on the right track that could lead me to everything I've ever wanted, but something tells me that there is something wrong with it. You know, someday I would like to get to the top, doesn't matter what I end up doing in college, whatever I decide, I want to be the best at it. Being in the USA means that I could go to a really good university, improve my English skills, improve my talent is certain things, meet the right people that could help me, and do the right things that could lead me to where I want to go. But there is something missing: freedom and happiness. I figured that I want nothing if I don't have the freedom to do whatever I want with it, and if I am not able to enjoy my way to the top, so I decided to quit my dream of being in the States, go back to the place where I know I'm going to have a good time, and take another way. At the end, my goal is the same one: be good at whatever I decide to do. I am just taking another road. It can be shorter or it can be longer, but I am taking the road that is not going to just take me where I want to go, but it is also going to make me happy, because happiness is not a destination, it is journey. Mrs Watson ended up going to Europe, not teaching where she wanted to teach, but at the end of the day, she did make a change anyway.

"Dear Betty, I came to Wellesley because I wanted to make a difference. But to change for others is to lie to yourself. My teacher, Katherine Watson, lived by her own definition and would not compromise that, not even for Wellesley. I dedicate this, my last editorial, to an extraordinary woman, who lived by example and compelled us all to see the world through new eyes. By the time you read this, she'll be sailing to Europe, where I know she'll find new walls to break down, and new ideas to replace them with. I've heard her called a quitter for leaving and aimless wanderer. But not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image. I'll never forget you" - Betty Warren

If you are wondering, the name of the movie "Mona Lisa Smile" is referred to looking happiness and smiling even when you are not happy at all. One of the characters, Betty, refers to this painting when she is talking to her mom about her husband, trying to let her know that just because she seems happy, deep inside, she's not, just like the Mona Lisa, who is smiling, but how do we know if she is really happy? How do we know she is not hiding any kind of sadness behind that smile?

Betty: Look at this, mother. She's smiling. Is she happy?
Mrs. Warren:The important thing is not to tell anyone.
Betty:She looks happy, so what does it matter?

So that's it. This movie made me cry, smile, and learn a little bit more about myself and my decisions. And of course, it showed me once again, that women can do it all, the sky is the limit, and that education and experience can lead you wherever you want to go.

Out Of Control

2012-01-22T21:03:00.000-05:00

So I'm leaving in three days. My life is a mess right now. First of all I'm stressed out and I feel lost because of the fact that I am moving to another country and that just makes me feel weird. Then I had to say goodbye to my whole family today, which was sad. Third, I still haven't packed yet. Fourth, I am tired, physically tired and I know it is because of how stressed out I am. Fifth, I've just talked to my mom and she didn't even ask me how I'm feeling about it and she was in some sort of bad mood. Sixth, I needed to talk to my dad about some school papers, and some other things that I need to get done before I leave and he was too busy playing a computer game with friends, and he told me leave the papers in the kitchen, that he was going to take care of them later, he pretty much kicked me out of his room. Seventh, my friends have no clue how this whole experience feels, and all they talk about is what we are going to do when I get there (even though it is a couple of days from today, I'm still on the other side of the world, I couldn't care less what I'm going to do when I get there, I'll see later). Eight, I need to talk to someone about all of these weird feelings, and nobody seems to care or understand. Ninth, my room is a mess, and that makes me feel even crazier. Tenth, my hair a is mess because I didn't put a special cream after shower, so I need to get it done before I go to bed, and that's gonna take me at least 30 minutes. Eleventh, I am still going to school until Tuesday, and I have some sort of quiz in math tomorrow. twelfth, before I leave I gotta go to the doctor and send my Argentinian exams. Thirteenth, on Tuesday is my dad's bday and I still haven't got him a card. Fourteenth, I need to go to the mall to Sephora to buy make up that I can't get in Argentina.

Overall, everything is out of control right now, and I don't know where to start to fix everything. I love traveling, but I hate this period of saying goodbye, packing, enjoying my last days, and those things. It stresses me out, and it is really sad for me to handle it alone. This time I promised myself to be strong, because this is the life I got, and it is divided in two whether I like it or not. I'm always going to have to say goodbye to one part of my family in order to say hello to the other part since my parents live in two different hemispheres, so I just need to get over that and stop crying every time I leave the States or Argentina, other wise I'm going to end up emotionally destroyed.

So well, I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up next week in Argentina. No more packing, no more goodbyes, no more hellos, just wake up in my normal life in Argentina because this is stressful as hell.

Well, I need to start putting my life together so goodnight.

Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis

2012-01-18T23:38:00.002-05:00

Hold up... hold on... don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile, shine on
Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm

'Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

STOP SOPA!!

2012-01-18T16:23:00.001-05:00

The worst law ever.

Surreal

2012-01-17T23:11:00.001-05:00

I can't believe I have a week left in America. I can't believe this experience that I planned my entired life is almost over. Time goes by faster than we think, and one day we wake up and realize that everything is gone and everything is different.

The only thing certain that I've learned, is that everything changes. Pain doesn't last forever. Sometimes happiness decides to take a vacations a leave us a for a while. People come and go. Even love ends eventually. Everything changes, and now my life is going to change one more time. It feels surreal, and somehow, I still don't feel too many things about it, which is weird. I feel like I'm in denial and I still can't realize that I only have 7 days left and then everything is over, and a new beginning awaits me in Argentina. I still haven't even started packing yet because I feel like the moment you start packing is the moment where you start saying goodbye, and I want this goodbye to be a shortest as possible. I've been through it before, and I am not good at goodbyes, I feel like a little bit of me dies every time I have to say goodbyes to someone or something.

Yesterday I was talking to Isabella (my three year old sister) and I told her that I was going to go on a plane to Argentina, and she asked me if I was going to be back soon, and I didn't know what to say, because even though I am going to be back eventually, it is not going to be soon. And how can I be strong enough to tell my little sister that her big sister is not going to be back soon? How can I go through that without crying? "No one will ever understand how much it hurts" said Rihanna, and she was right. Sometimes nobody else can understand how it feels and you have to deal with it on your own.

But I made a promise to myself. I promised to be stronger, to be braver, to do it with attitude, and to deal with it. I promised to be my own savior. I am not going to rely on my family, friends, music, art, or whatever. I am going to save myself from pain. I want to be able to enjoy and let the pain go. We can't have it all, and sometimes it is hard to chose, but we need to be happy with our decisions. I still don't regret anything and I am going back full of hope and faith that this is going to be one of the best years of my life.

But before the Argentinian parties, and the joy of senior year, I have to pack, and go to that airport and say goodbye to the past 16 months. I want to leave with a smile, knowing that it was worth it. I want to take this experience as something amazing that happened to me, not as another reason to cry. I will miss everything, and this seriously became my second home, but it is time to go back and do the things I need to do, because sometimes, you gotta take a step backwards in order to take two steps forward.

So that's basically how I feel. I didn't even try to make sense with the words I wrote because there is something in me that doesn't make sense. It feels so B I T T E R S W E E T (and that's a word that I will probably use many times) and I feel far away from myself, like I don't understand anything and I am lost. It feels S U R R E A L, like it is not really happening. There are just 7 days left and I feel like that's an eternity, but it is actually one simple week.

Since I've been through this before, and since I know myself enough to know that I am not good at this, all I can say right now is... stay strong Lola. Every little thing is going to be alright.

Spanish Swag

2012-01-16T02:33:00.001-05:00

I liked a lot of things about the Golden Globes 2012, such as the French Accents from the cast and crew of "The Artist", the dresses of Sofia Vergara and Charlice Theron, the jokes of Ricky Gervais, and the fact that Kate Winslet won, but my favorite thing of all was the Spanish Swag of Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, and the beautiful Sofia Vergara. I loved the fact that they rocked their Spanish accent, and they even spoke Spanish, showing how proud they are of their nationality and their roots. And it made me feel confident and proud too, because they showed that Spanish speaking countries are not the crap of the world, and they are an example of how smart, talented, charismatic, and of course, SEXY, we can be. I have to admit that sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough, and I hate the way Americans look at Latin Americans, but these three actors inspire me to be who I am and not be ashamed of that. It doesn't matter how Americans or the rest of the world look at countries from the third world, what matters is who we really are. And damn, most of us Spanish people are beautiful, smart, talented, and all of the things I mentioned before. And Salma, Antonio, and Sofia are not the only ones; Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Victoria Justice, Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Luisana Lopilato (Michael Buble's wife), Eva Longoria, Eva Mendez, Giselle Bundchen, Jennifer Lopez, Shakira, Zoe Zaldana, Jessica Alba, Alicia Keys, America Ferrera, and many of other famous and inspirational celebrities are also from Latin America and they also show how proud they are. I wish I could have realized about this before and just enjoy the fact that I have something special that not everybody has. And in my case I am from Latin America, but in this country there's people from all over the world who should also be proud of their culture and their roots. (Well, sadly, I don't look like most of these latin women, because Argentina is a country where 90% of the people are European, and I am pretty much Italian, but well, at least I can say I was born in a Latin country)

So right now I can say that I am glad I am Argentinian.

(Note: Just FYI, I'm not criticizing any other nationality, I love every single culture and race of this world, because they are all unique and beautiful in their own way, but I am Argentinian so I felt more than proud after watching them rocking the Spanish accent, specially because that one my biggest weakness in the past year)

Red Carpet Season

2012-01-16T01:38:00.001-05:00

So the red carpet season has officially begun, and it is my favorite time of the year. Actually, it is my favorite time of the year when I'm in Argentina because right now it is the summer there, which means my life is all about vacations, friends, warm weather, an of course, the awards. I get obsessed with the dresses, the interviews, the speeches, the winners, the faces of the losers, the inappropriate jokes, and of course, the talent. But the real reason why I love the red carpet season is not because I love Hollywood, it is because it reminds me of my dream. It reminds me why I want to be an actress and a director, it encourages me to keep fighting for it no matter what, and it makes me feel like I can do it. Throughout the rest of the year I kinda forget, and I start looking for other dreams to accomplish, but the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, and the Academy Awards, remind me who I want to be, and where I want to be; that I love acting more than anything else. Many people watch these awards to see the dresses and the stuff I mentioned before, and I kinda do that too, I mean, Vera Wang, Dior, and Zac Posen are reason enough to spend two hours watching the red carpet, but for me that's nothing compared to the moment when the presenter says the name of the winner. I just can't explain it. I can sorta feel how they feel and I dream that one day, that's gonna be me. Winning one of those awards is definitely the biggest and greatest goal in my life and in fact, I'm already preparing my speech, I've been doing it for 10 years actually and I'll keep on preparing it for the rest of my life until the presenter says my name and I get to say it in front of these talented people. I don't know when or how it is going to happen, but I feel like if I still have the same dream after so many years and after all I have been through, then I can still fight for it and accomplish it.

I don't want to be in Hollywood to be famous, I want to be there to be talented. I don't wanna be the most beautiful actress, I just want to be the most respected one. I don't care about having millions of fans, I just want to be able to make people cry or laugh with my performances. I don't care about knowing every single celebrity, I just want to work with good directors and actors like Woody Allen or Martin Scorcece. My dream is not about being in Hollywood anymore, now it is really about acting and being good at it, and that can be seen in my decision of going back to Argentina. I live close to New York, I had the chance to go to auditions, but instead, I decided to wait. To wait and get better. To wait and see the world. To wait and grow up. To wait and go through different experiences. I am too young right now, and I want to know about life, about people, and about myself before I can portray different characters and pretend to be in different situations. And I think I made the right choice. Next time I come to NY, I'm going to be ready to go to the best acting school, and do all of the things that I need to do to get to the top.

But always remember... AIN'T ABOUT HOW FAST I GET THERE, AIN'T ABOUT WHAT'S WAITING ON THE OTHER SIDE. IT'S THE CLIMB. And that's the first thing that comes into my mind when I'm watching the awards and when I'm watching the winners giving their acceptance speech. I used to dream about making it to the top as a teenager, but now I realize that as much as I would love to be in Los Angeles right now partying with Clooney and Pitt, it is not the right time for me in every single aspect. So I want to do the right thing, go step by step, and enjoy every minute of my life without thinking too much about the future, and someday, without even realizing how I did it, I know I'll make it there.

Golden Globes 2012

2012-01-15T20:43:00.000-05:00

2012-01-15T19:16:00.006-05:00

Watching the Golden Globes <3
Someday I know I'll be there.

I'm Sorry, But I Love Them Too Much.

2012-01-14T15:20:00.001-05:00

ONE THING - ONE DIRECTION OFFICIAL VIDEO!!!!!! OMG

2012-01-13T11:35:00.000-05:00

I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZAYN !

2012-01-12T16:28:00.001-05:00

Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

2012-01-12T16:26:00.002-05:00

I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS SONG.

Today

2012-01-11T15:12:00.002-05:00

I only have two weeks left in America and finally, it is starting to feel real. I am starting to feel what I felt when I came in 2010 and I have to admit that saying goodbye it is probably the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I've been through this before, and all I can ask for is to be able to handle it better. I promised I was not going to cry, because when you cry it's like you make the pain official, and I don't want to feel pain (even though I will). I just want to enjoy what is yet to come on 2012. It hurts, it really does, but I can't say how happy I am I was able to go through this experience. It was one of the most beautiful things that happened in my 17 years of life. And even though it hurts to say goodbye, I don't regret my decision. Life is what we make it, according to Hannah Montana, and I am determined to make it happy and enjoyable. I am really scared about what the future has for me, and I hope I can come back to the states after college and live in New York or Los Angeles, go to grad school or whatever, and do what I want to do. And most important, be able to do all of those things as an adult looking back at my teenager years with joy, not with regrets.

So there is only two weeks left, and it is going to get harder and harder, but all I can do is enjoy every single second of those weeks, and do everything I was not able to do before.

Today

2012-01-09T21:48:00.001-05:00

It was a pretty good day. In English we had to act a scene of Macbeth and it was pretty hilarious. I loved it. It was the whole class (like 13 kids) pretending to be Shakespeare characters.

The rest of the day went by normal, but I'm loving it. I'm trying to enjoy every single minute because I only have 7 days of school left. It makes me sad, even though I am excited to go back. Well, that is something that defenitely needs a whole post for itself, because everything that is going on right now is pretty hard, but pretty amazing at the same time.

I forgot to talk about what happened in astronomy last week. Well, the teacher asked me something, and the asnwer was Iron, and when I said it, he noticed my accent (I've been in his class since September), and I started telling the whole class that I am from another country, that I came here for a year, and that I am leaving. Since then, I am the center of attention every single day. They took it pretty well, I mean, he doesn't make me feel uncomfortable about it, he just asks me stuff about Argentina and I feel special. Besides, the whole class liked the fact, specially KL (hot and popular guy), and he asks me stuff about it all the time (Today he started singing Lola, the song, out loud in front of me). The other day he was fooling around with some kid and the teaucher said "Why are you spending time with your friend, when you could be asking Lola out on a date? You have an argentinian woman here who is leaving in three weeks, and you are just playing around with Chaycorn (the other kid). It was an awkward situation, but it was also pretty cool.

I wish all of these stuff would have happened before, but I knew I was going to feel this way at this point, and I still don't regret my decision.

I'm Stupid and I know It tutututututut

2012-01-09T21:42:00.002-05:00

Reason Why I'm Not Blogging As Much As Before

2012-01-07T20:06:00.001-05:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA

2012-01-07T13:18:00.001-05:00

Today

2012-01-04T07:50:00.001-05:00

Well, I don't want to be negative, but this day sucks so far.

The night before last night I went to bed at 3 and I woke up at 6. I was planning to sleep the whole day yesterday but I couldn't because I got the Sims 3 and all I wanted to do was play, so I went to bed at 12:30/ In the past 48 hours I only slept for around 8 hours and a half. So today I woke up with a red eye, a sleepy face, and a headache. After that I had to wait 10 minutes for the bus in the bus stop, and it was probably one of the coldest days of my life, it was like -11 C (14 F). It was COLD.

Well, that's sort of enough for me to be in a bad mood for the rest of the day. But I hope my luck changes and my red eye goes away.

2012-01-02T14:12:00.006-05:00

"Mostpeople live life on the path we set for them. Too afraid to explore anyother. But once in a while people like you come along and knock downall the obstacles we put in your way. People who realize free will is agift, you'll never know how to use until you fight for it. I thinkthat's The Chairman's real plan. And maybe, one day, we won't write theplan. You will" - The Adjustment Bureau

Happy Birthday Mommy!

2012-01-02T00:48:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday to my beautiful mommy! She deserves to have an amazing birthday, because she is a really good person, and a really good mom. I am proud of her, and I love her with all of my heart.

2012-01-02T00:26:00.002-05:00

New Year's Eve - Pictures

2012-01-01T17:56:00.001-05:00

2012-01-01T12:54:00.001-05:00

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer."

2012-01-01T03:32:00.004-05:00

2012-01-01T03:32:00.000-05:00

The Best Is Yet To Come

2012-01-01T03:28:00.000-05:00

This is the first time in my life that I feel like this is really going to be a good year. I feel like many good things are coming and that 2012 is going to surprise me. Let's say 2011 was not as fun as I thought it was going to be, so I'm willing to just enjoy my senior year like it is the last year of my life. I love the fact that it is supposed to be the end of the world because I know it is stupid and not true, but at the same time it is another reason to party like crazy and enjoy every second of this year.

I am going to remember 2012 forever, because I know it is going to me magical and unique, I can feel it. So I'm going to set a goal and a resolution this year, just one. For the first time in my life I am not going to write a list of 101 things I want to do before 2013 or anything like that, all I'm gonna do this year is:

BE HAPPY.

That's it. I wanna be able to do everything I wanna do. Kiss every guy I like. Hug every friend I love. Have long conversations with my mom. Spend time with my family. Learn. Party like crazy. Drink a lot of alcohol and get totally wasted. Just do whatever I wanna do, wherever I wanna do it, whenever I wanna do it, with whoever I wanna do it. Just be happy. Follow my heart. Enjoy. Laugh. Smile. My goal is to be happy and do whatever it takes to achieve it. I think Senior Year is a year where you are actually allowed to behave like crazy, to be irresponsible, to do whatever you want, because it is the last year of my teenager years (even though I am obviously forever young). College comes in 2013 and life changes, you become an adult, you gotta study way harder, everything gets complicated, more responsabilities, blah blah blah.

So like I said a few months ago, the world might not end of 2012, but a part of my life does. Maybe the Mayans were not that wrong, they kinda got it right with me. So I'm going to enjoy. And I know everything is going to go right. And the best thing of all, is that I have never been so sure of my decision of going back. I can hear my heart telling me that it is the right thing, and it makes me feel so, so happy! For the first time I know that not having a plan is exactly what I want. Maybe things are not going the way I planned, but guess what... they are even better. I know going back it is going to be worth it. I feel like if I had chosen to stay, this 2012 wouldn't feel so amazing and so exciting, it would feel like another year to fight for that dream that I don't even know if it's what I really want. Maybe my decision of spending this year with my friends having fun is not going to lead me to success. I know I am not giving up the things I should give up to become who I wanna be, and maybe this decision will influence in my destiny forever, but I don't care. I wanna get to the top knowing that I enjoyed every single minute of the climb, instead of getting there and feeling like I couldn't even enjoy the view.

Live to the fullest. Enjoy this 2012. Have hope and faith. Be happy. Regret nothing. Smile and laugh as much as you can. Give tons of love away even if they don't love you back. Dance under the rain. And remember, life is a climb, and the view is great.

The World Says Hi to 2012

2012-01-01T02:57:00.000-05:00

One of things why I love New Year is because is something that the whole world celebrates. We are all in this together. It is a new beginning for everybody, a chance to start all over. And I love seeing the pictures of how everybody celebrates it. It shows that despite all of the bad things of this world, love and hope are always louder and stronger.

ITS 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-01T00:36:00.002-05:00

So this is the first post of 2012. And what can I say? LIVE THIS YEAR LIKE IT IS REALLY THE END OF THE WORLD. It's probably bullshit, but who cares, let's take advantage. The Mayans gave us the gift of living like there is no 2013, let's enjoy it. I have so many good feelings about this year, and I am really excited now about going back and live my life, enjoy every second of it. I'm starting this year with happiness, and with optimism. This is going to be my year. I am finishing high school, I am going back to Argentina, this is the last year of being a teenager!!!!!! I am just really excited about what's coming.

THE BEST IS YET TO COME BITCH!!!! YEAAAAH BUDDY.

2011-12-31T21:57:00.001-05:00

Goodbye 2011

2011-12-31T21:56:00.001-05:00

Well, I'm in the middle of dinner in my house with a bunch of people so I'm gonna take a couple of minutes to write the last post of 2011 in this blog that became my best friend during this year.

I need to say thanks to my loyal 10 followers who comment, advice me, and make me feel like I'm not alone every time I have a problem. So I really appreciate it. I know you guys all around the world so some of you are already in the future, in 2012, while I'm still stuck in 2011 for two more hours, but no matter where you are, I wish the best for this new year. I hope you all make wishes for the next 12 months, and I really hope you start them with happiness and joy.

Then I wanna say Happy New Year to my family and friends, even though they don't read this. But they all mean the world to me, thank you for being part of my life. To my family, thank you for giving me everything I needed in 2011, and to my friends, thank you for being there even though I was on the other side of the world. Thank you for showing me how much you love me, for helping me with every single stupid drama, and thank you for supporting me always.

And then I wanna say thanks to America. Thank you for having me this whole year. I hated you, I loved you, I enjoyed you, and you taught me millions of things about life that I will never forget. 2011 was definitely a strange but amazing year studying abroad in this country, and no matter how many ups and downs I have had, I will never regret anything. THANK YOU AMERICA.

And well people, I wish you the best. I have lots of good feelings about 2012, but this post is not really about the year that is coming, it is more about saying goodbye to the year that is leaving. Here's to the good memories, to the happy moments and also to the sad moments, to the laughs, to the smiles, to the broken hearts, to the tears, to the good songs, to the good and bad grades, to everything. After all, it was a good year. Every year is good, and I feel like many people said that 2011 was a hard year for everybody, even for politics, economy, and those stuff. But we can't have a rainbow without a little rain. So 2011 probably gave us the tools to start a good 2012.

GOODBYE 2011. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

Laugh At Yourself.

2011-12-31T00:01:00.000-05:00

I have once heard a quote that is something like "laughing at your self solves all of your problems". In time I've learned that it is true. Laughing at your own mistakes instead of suffering for them is the best thing we can do in this life. And it reminded me of Sandra Bullock. One night she won worst actress at the Razzies Awards, she went there, took the award, and gave a speech. She was the only actress in Hollywood who did this along with Halle Berry. Only two, out of more than 20 actresses, went and faced it. Because sometimes we have to admit that we didn't do our best, and some other times well... we need to admit we really did suck. Are you gonna run away from criticism? Are you gonna pretend you didn't recognize it? No, just go there and learn from it, and do it better next time. Laugh about it with the rest of the people, and show them you are not scared of failure. It is always better to try and suck at it rather than never know what could have been. So I really respect Sandra Bullock for going there and just joking about it. That is one of the things I respect the most in this society where everybody wants to be better than everybody else. And you know what's the best thing? The next day, Sandra won the Academy Award for BEST ACTRESS. It is amazing how life is showing the world by this event that we learn from mistakes, and we always get better.

So just laugh at your mistakes, and improve them. The result might not come in a matter of one day like in Sandra's case, but eventually you'll realize how much you have learned.

2011-12-29T20:54:00.002-05:00

2011-12-29T20:53:00.002-05:00

I had a dream with him last night. It's the third time this week, and I don't know what the hell is going on but I can't stop smiling when I think about him.

2011-12-29T02:19:00.002-05:00

Today

2011-12-28T20:02:00.001-05:00

So today I went to the city with Steph and we went ice skating to Central Park, which was beautiful. Then we went to grab lunch to an European cafe, and then we went to downtown, to Union Square and NYU, which is the college where I would like to go in some other life haha I'm not that smart in this one. I had a lot of fun, and I love this city, it is truly magical and amazing.

Getting Interesting

2011-12-28T01:48:00.002-05:00

Well, some new things happened with that guy I talked about the other day.

After I posted that, I realized that it couldn't be true, and even if it was, it was not a big deal. He was not doing anything, and I always say that if a guy likes you, he is going to make it happen. So I figured he probably just wanted to hook up and nothing else, and that I had to stop thinking about it.

Last night all of my friends had a party, including him, and my best friend talked to him about it. They were both drunk, but according to my friend, he said that he would like to have some kind of relationship with me :| (wtf). And then he had some weird statuses on facebook and bbm such as "I'll wait for you" or "your eyes don't see me", or stuff like that. I normally would think that's corny, but now I actually think it is kinda cute. And my friend keeps insisting that he really means those things.

As weird as this might feel, I'm starting to like the idea I must confess. I don't know if I would like to have a serious relationship with him, I can't even think about it when nothing has happened yet, and when he is just my friend, and when I'm so far away, and when I have a few other guys that I would like to hook up with, but he is cute, and he knows what he is doing when it comes down to girls, so maybe... just maybe... I might play along.

I was also thinking about creating a label for him in this blog, the thing is, nothing really happened yet, and once I create the label, I can't really erase it because a label means that it was part of my life, and he is not really part of anything, he is not really that important. I'm getting my hopes us, and SOME things are happening, but I don't know, I feel like it is not the right time yet to make him part of this blog. I don't even know if he's ever gonna be important enough to make it here, I mean, if a guy makes it to a label on this blog, he made it pretty far in my life, so I should let him fight for that spot a little bit more... and we'll see how far he can get.

Hey Jude - The Beatles

2011-12-28T01:33:00.001-05:00

Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Na na na, na na, na na na na

Hey Jude, don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you? Hey Jude, you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Na na na, na na, na na na na, yeah

___________________________________

And I think I should create a label for this guy...

2011 Thank you

2011-12-28T01:27:00.001-05:00

Just like last year I am going to write a brief description of each month. Overall, this was an amazing year. I did feel very, very empty in some situations, I missed my friends, I missed my life, at some point I really hated many things of this new world, but after all, I could not be more grateful for having this amazing chance. I got to meet so many cool people, and now I can say that a part of me belongs to this country. 2011 taught me a lot of things, but most important, it made me feel like a part of me is American not just because my dad was born here, but because now I have a history in this country, I had my crushes, my friends, my tears, my smiles, and my memories. 20 years from now I am not going to remember the people I didn't like, the moments I wanted to go back and party with my friends, or the essays that stressed me out... I am going to remember how proud I felt of myself, of doing it until the end, of not giving up, of overachieving my goal, of having the guts to go to an american school and speak out loud with my spanish accent, of learning another history, another language, and another culture, of learning how to survive in situations I would have never imagined I could get through. I am so thankful or this year because it was the most productive year of my life, I will never forget it, and most important, I will never regret a single thing of it. Thank you 2011.

January: the year started with 2 feet of snow, it was the first time that I could actually be in my house and have that much snow outside. School was alright, chemistry was starting to get really hard, I remember I did really badly on my mid terms, but it was ok. At the same time, I had volleyball with Morgan in our gym class, and Eryn was also there, so it was kinda perfect. I also met Cody this month.

February: The first marking period ended and I started my new elective, Entrepreneurship, were I made a new friend, Julie. My gym class was also divided into two, so I couldn't be with Eryn anymore, but I ended up with some popular kids like Elsa, Terri, Allison, and Katelyn, and of course, Morgan and his soccer friends. Nothing really happened though, but not having to get dressed for gym anymore was pretty cool.

March: Lexi was born, and my grandparents came to visit! It was also my birthday and I turned 16!

April: Health ended and now we had to pick new gym classes. My whole class was going to ADT (advanced weight training) but it was only for athletes, so I had to beg Mr Cicotelli to let me go to his class, and he was really nice so he said yes. It was my favorite gym class of all times. I was in a group with Elsa and Katelyn and Morgan was there every single there lifting weight. It was S E X Y. haha.

May: and it was finally warm after the snow of April! I had a lot of fun during this month. I finally felt like I belonged in my school. I loved my Italian class, entrepreneurship was pretty cool, the weight room was fun, and the other classes kept getting better and better. The only problem was my first oral presentation in English class for 40 minutes with Mary Ellen. It was awkward and I had never been so nervous in my life. Besides, the teacher and the other kids didn't make me feel better at all. But I got through it and it was alright.

June: It started with Kristin's Sweet 16 where I just had a lot of fun and I met thousands of people from my school. Then came Puerto Rico, where I fell in love with a stranger, dear Morocho. Then I came back, I had the finals, where I didn't really do that well, and then school was over. It felt kinda sad to finish school, because I was just starting to love it, but there was nothing I could do about it.

July: by far the worst month. My dad was upset with me because I didn't find a job so I didn't have my computer and I was basically in my house all day doing nothing. Just getting tan and going to the gym. Morgan started dating someone, so it was the month where I lost my chances with him, if I ever had chances. Argentina also lost the Copa America, which was S A D.

August: I got my computer back! This was the last time I talked to Jake, he asked me for my BB pin and told me to talk to him sometime and I never did, and then he never talked to me again. Nothing really interested happened, but I got my schedule for my Junior year, and I traveled to Cape May.

September: Junior year started, new classes, new classmates, new teachers, new everything. But the only thing that was not new, it was me and it felt awesome. This is the month where I met Sam and I had on a crush on him, which didn't really last that long. I really felt like I finally was part of that school, even if I had to walk those hallways alone. I also had my second oral presentation for history, and I was wreck of how nervous I was.

October & November: Nothing really happened, but it was an amazing month. I got an A+ for the first time ever on my essay, which was pretty cool. Even if nothing interesting happened, it was a good month, I just enjoyed every single day of my last months in America.

December: Well, the countdown begun. There were some issued with my parents, but I did not let that ruined my perfect year. It was a bittersweet month, I couldn't really believe I had only a month left. This was the month were I lost the bus like once a week, and it became traumatic for me because my dad would get pretty upset, but at the end of the day, it was funny. I started volleyball with my gym class, and I loved it! Not just because playing volleyball was fun, but also because I loved this class. Only 16 kids, any of them were popular athletes, which made it less awkward or intimidating, and they were all nice people. Then I found out about that kid in Argentina who likes me, and who knows, maybe something interesting might end up happening with hi, so far it is not important, but maybe in a couple of months it is going to be a big deal.

And that was my year. Maybe each month alone was not that important, but the year as a whole was amazing. I've grown like I had never grown before in my life.

Bucket List: Write A Book

2011-12-28T00:22:00.003-05:00

In of the things that I have to do before I die is write a book, and in fact, I have just started one because one of my Christmas gifts was Microsoft Word, which I had been waiting for for quite a while so I could start writing my story. It is called Juliette and it kinda shows my love, admiration, and passion for Europe, I'm not going to say which city, but you should be able to guess it by the name of the book. The story combines some things that happened to me, some of my dreams, my fears, my plans, and some other things that I loved about other movies or books. I am not writer, but I love writing, so I don't know if I'm gonna write the whole thing at the same time, or if I am going to just write the chapter without an order, for example, the other day while I was trying to sleep I imagined in my head the perfect ending, and I actually had the right words to write it then, but I didn't have the computer and I had to wake up early the next morning so I just fell asleep. But next time the same thing happens, I will just start writing, and then when I have all of those parts, I'll put them together and finish my book. I don't think it is going to be good enough to actually do something with it, but at least I wanna create something that nobody else can create, because that book if it is going to be made by, like I said, things that I like, things that I want to express, and it is going to be pure art.

I don't know if I'm going to post some parts of it or not, but I will definitely post about how I am doing with the book and about my new ideas.

Someday I am going to be able to put a check on this item of my bucket list.

2011-12-27T16:49:00.004-05:00

I HAVE NO LIFE

2011-12-27T13:15:00.002-05:00

Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T23:28:00.002-05:00

Unexpected

2011-12-26T16:03:00.000-05:00

So I kinda need to talk about some things....

Apparently there is a new guy, but I'm not gonna give him a nickname or a label or anything because he is not that important at all. It all started with my best friend telling me that there was a guy interested in me back in Argentina, considering the fact that I'm going back in 29 days... She told me he is really close to her, that he is like a brother or something. She has a few guy friends that are like brothers to her so that wasn't a big clue. In that moment I remembered the fact that the day before, one of those guy friends talked to me randomly on BBM but I didn't really care because I would never expect him to be interested in me, I've known him for a while so why would he be wanna hook up or something now? Besides, he is the kind of hot popular guy (out of my league). So anyway, we kept talking, and she kept giving me clues. At the beginning I thought she was talking about a really ugly guy, but deep inside, I was second guessing about the guy that talked to me the day before. And then she said he plays rugby and he was in a serious relationship before but they broke up. And that was just too obvious, it was definitely the guy. It felt so weird because like I said, I would have never expected him to like ME. The thing is, he doesn't like me. He probably wants to hook up and nothing else. He is really mature and stuff, but he dated a girl for like 3 years so he probably just wants to be a player, which is why I don't care about the situation. Even if it feels weird, I think I would hook up with him too, I mean he is really hot. So I think we might want the same thing.

Of course, it didn't really take long for me to get kinda obsessed with it. I don't know why, I don't like him, and he is just my friend, I never thought of him in a different way, so to be honest I don't like HIM, I just like the idea of HIM. Because he is one of the closet guys that could be the perfect guy. He is not perfect, he is just CLOSE to being the stereotypical perfect boyfriend. That doesn't mean he is perfect for me though.

So I am trying to calm down about it and just let it be and let it flow. Whatever will be will be. But something deep inside myself keeps telling me how funny life can be sometimes... because somehow, life always throws at me better things than the ones I was expecting. So yeah, sometimes you need to stop fighting so hard for what you want, and lay back for a while and just trust fate and the beautiful surprises of life. And that's the greatest thing about the whole situation: I don't care about him, I just care about how everything turned out after Morgan, Cody, Sam, etc, etc. Like I always say, the unexpected always takes our breath away.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T11:15:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas dear readers! I hope you all have a wonderful and safe day with the people you love, and I hope you get all of the gifts you were expecting. But most important, I hope you all enjoy and understand the truth meaning of Christmas. Doesn't matter what you believe in, just say thanks to that guy who was born 2011 years ago who saved us, just do it. Maybe he is just a myth, maybe he was real, I don't have the answers, but at the end of the day, if he was really the Son of God, why would you let the chance of saying happy birthday go? So Happy Birthday Jesus!

My gifts were Microsoft Office for Macbook, the Harry Potter Movie Collection, the recipes of my stepmom to take to Argentina, and AND HD FILM CAMERA! Let the director begin!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2011-12-24T17:34:00.002-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUIS TOMLINSON!

2011-12-24T11:33:00.001-05:00

Today

2011-12-21T23:42:00.001-05:00

Everything can change in a blink of an eye